I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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