I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
