apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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