honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
