Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
