i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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