I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
