i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
