i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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