oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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