i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
