found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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