And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize