shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
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You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
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It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize