Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
