you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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