At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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