smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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