I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
