he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
