Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
