My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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