As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
