So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
