I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
where are you?
Hypothermia
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
