The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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