FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Is Oprah even human
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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