Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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