you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
