seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i came on her dog
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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