I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
