Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
