My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
