I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
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We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
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Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize