The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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