she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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