Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
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she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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