Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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