i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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