My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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