Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
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Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
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Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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