no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
