Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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