Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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