areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
