Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dick very happy bro
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
