Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
