I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
