to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
