i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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