I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
