dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
