$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
