I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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