One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
