This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
