I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just high enough for therapy.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
