a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
look no pants
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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