I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
