I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
