i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
