I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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