sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
