dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
