Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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