also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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