you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
